I had a hard time believing that I could truly have something I desired.
It was a useless endeavor to have dreams, to set goals.
Nothing good seemed to come to me, and when I took something good, it left.
I lived in a dark and gruesome vacuum.
I was angry and alone.
The darkness and the anger were deep; all consuming.
A moment of pleasure or joy not recognized, not acknowledged.
I considered my self unworthy of being a human being.
I thought I needed someone to say to me that I had done well. That I was not garbage.
I needed encouragement to be and to do.
Encouragement to come to Life. I was dead within.
When encouragement came I couldn’t hear it.
A soul lost in darkness.
Haunted by the past, regrets, failures, and insecurities.
Making up a false outside to keep anyone from noticing the bleeding.
Show them I was fine.