You can learn to love even if no one ever taught you. God doesn’t expect you to manufacture love out of nowhere. He provides it Himself.
The key is understanding this: you don’t learn to love by trying harder to love. You learn to love by receiving God’s love first. Then His love flows through you naturally.
God Loves You First
1 John 4:19 says “We love him, because he first loved us.” Notice the order. God loves you first. Your love for Him is always a response, never the starting point.
You don’t have to figure out how to love God before He loves you. He already loves you completely, right now, exactly as you are. Romans 5:8 proves this: “But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” He didn’t wait for you to get your act together. He loved you while you were still a mess.
This changes everything. You’re not trying to work up feelings of love so God will accept you. You’re discovering that He already loves you, and that discovery awakens love in your heart.
How to Receive God’s Love
Start at the cross. This is where God’s love becomes undeniable and concrete. Jesus didn’t just say He loved you – He proved it by dying for you. John 3:16 tells you “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life.”
Spend time thinking about what the cross actually means. God looked at every sin you’ve ever committed or will commit, and He said “I choose you anyway.” He took the punishment Himself so you could go free. That’s love in its purest form.
Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal God’s love to you. Romans 5:5 promises “the love of God is shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us.” You don’t have to manufacture this experience. The Holy Spirit pours God’s love into your heart supernaturally.
Pray simply: “Holy Spirit, help me know that God loves me. Make it real to me.” Then pay attention. God will answer that prayer because He wants you to know His love even more than you want to know it.
Love Grows as You Experience It
You learn to love the same way a baby learns anything – through experience and repetition. A baby who is held, fed, comforted, and protected learns what love feels like. Then that baby grows up knowing how to give love because they received it first.
You’re like that baby spiritually. You’re learning what love is by experiencing God’s love for you. Every time you come to Him in prayer, you’re being held. Every time you read His Word and see His promises, you’re being fed. Every time He forgives you, you’re being comforted. Every time He protects and provides for you, you’re experiencing His care.
The more you experience these things, the more love grows in you naturally. You’re not forcing it. You’re absorbing it.
Loving Yourself Flows from God’s Love
You can’t truly love yourself by looking inward and trying to find something lovable. You’ll always find reasons to condemn yourself because you know your own failures too well.
But when you see yourself through God’s eyes, everything changes. He loves you so much He paid the highest price imaginable to have relationship with you. That makes you incredibly valuable. Not because of what you’ve done, but because of what He’s done.
Ephesians 2:4-5 says “But God, who is rich in mercy, for his great love wherewith he loved us, Even when we were dead in sins, hath quickened us together with Christ, (by grace ye are saved).” God didn’t love you because you were lovable. He loved you because love is who He is. And His love makes you lovable.
When you grasp this truth, you start seeing yourself differently. You’re not trying to convince yourself you’re worthy of love. You’re accepting that God has already declared you worthy by sacrificing His Son for you.
Loving Others Becomes Possible
Once God’s love fills you up, loving others becomes natural instead of forced. 1 John 4:11 says “Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.” Notice it doesn’t say “force yourself to love others.” It says if God loved us (and He absolutely did), then we ought to love others. It’s the logical response.
You love others not because you’re trying to be a good person, but because God’s love is overflowing in you and it has to go somewhere. It’s like a cup under a running faucet – once it fills up, it naturally spills over onto everything around it.
Start small. Ask God to help you see one person today the way He sees them. Ask Him to give you His love for that person. Then act on whatever He shows you – even if it’s just a kind word or a smile.
The more you practice this, the more natural it becomes. You’re not manufacturing love. You’re channeling the love God has already poured into you.
The Daily Practice
Learning to love is a daily process. Every morning, remind yourself that God loves you. Go back to the cross. Read passages about God’s love (Romans 8, Ephesians 3:14-19, 1 John 4). Ask the Holy Spirit to make that love real to you today.
Then watch for opportunities to let that love flow through you to others. Don’t put pressure on yourself to love perfectly. Just stay connected to God’s love, and let it work through you naturally.
You’re not starting from zero. God has already planted His love in you through the Holy Spirit. You’re just learning to recognize it, receive it, and let it grow. That’s something you absolutely can do, one day at a time.